the defender of man

My name and maiden surname both mean the same thing "the defender of man", I always thought that I was somehow assigned to a task, a great duty or purpose... 

I have always felt like somewhere deep down a warrior was lurking, waiting for the battle that was defined and decided by the name given to me dos veces.

But how do you be warrior/soldier/hero/fighter, into our time? When the battlefield is no longer a place for honourable men, when the fight is no longer right or wrong, when we no longer shout -FREEDOMMM!!!!! When swords are no longer the weapons used to fight wars, but rather depth of your pockets.

What do you do about the itch, the uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach, because you know when you watch the movies like Gladiator, 300, The last samurai and Brave heart , these are the tales of peoples life’s, the story out which heroes and legends are born, because you know in this world of honour less men with deep pockets and long fingers, there is no black or white, and the villain might just be the hero, hidden behind the propaganda and misinformation feed to you by all the big media corporations... (and no I am not a conspiracy theorist.)

 Those were times when the sword was not just a weapon but a symbol of your honour.  How times have changed... 

What do I when I feel too small to make a difference?  

I once said, "how can a man be happy and simply satisfied with the world as it is, how can a MAN sit back and think that his world ends at the edge of his property? 

I was taught that our world was created by God speaking it into creation,  so maybe these words will one day change the world,  but simply waiting for change will not quiet my uneasiness. ..

 

it ain't about how hard you can hit- Rocky Balboa

Somewhere along the line you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good; and when things got hard you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!


Now if you know what you're worth than go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers sayin' you ain't what you wanna be because of him or her or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!


Until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.

ratio decidendi- the reason for my decision

The reason I started studying law was due to Shakespeare, I read The Merchant of Venice, and it all made sense in that moment. I wanted to be part of a system which allows “justice to season mercy”, I wanted to be something worthwhile…

With my dream and tuition in place, I entered law school.

But after a while of being a law student I was ready to throw in the towel, my dream was stolen, the passion for the people I would help was replaced by case studies and long Latin terms. No one cared about justice or mercy. I do not even think those words even existed, in the vocabulary of the many lecturers and  legal professionals I encountered.

Aristotle was right, the law is free from passion, since our legal system is based on stats, money and legal professionals, who are able to chew up and regurgitate textbooks to the letter, and not question its bitter taste.  There is no place in our legal system for free thinkers and impassioned speeches, the courts believe in stare decisis- to stand by previous decisions, to hand down judgements based simply on the law, and not the person, and his/her facts… 

The law is free from passion and the quality of its people strained...

   Shakespeare's The Merchant of Venice, 1596

 The quality of mercy is not strain'd,

It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath: it is twice blest;
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the mightiest: it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown;
His sceptre shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptred sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings,
It is an attribute to God himself;
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice. Therefore,
Though justice be thy plea, consider this,
That, in the course of justice, none of us
Should see salvation: we do pray for mercy;
And that same prayer doth teach us all to render
The deeds of mercy.

Great Vexations

As a teenager, my mom would always warn me that my reputation precedes me. That heeding has stayed with me till this day. So I have always tried to keep my word, keep my promises... I have always tried to be someone with moral fiber, character and honor.

But what does that matter in the times that we live in?

Why should we care about those things, when we live in a world where terms like 'cut-throat' and 'dog-eat-dog world' are the common expressions of our times. When the belief system is that “nice guys finish last”....

The only time I hear the word honor these days, is when people speak of their maid of honor in their wedding and the funny thing is that the responsibility of this person is to help you with your dress and throw an awesome party before the wedding...

Wow!! Is that a really what defines honor? Parties and dresses?

The old oxford dictionary defines honor as honesty, fairness, or integrity in one's beliefs and actions. If I put this forward to most people, the response I would get is that this standard

is too high to follow.

'Every man for himself' is an easier standard... the 'good Samaritan' is forgotten.

A friend once asked me,” If you could be present at your own funeral what are the things people would say about you and would any of those things be true?”

I have chosen to write my own eulogy from that day... because I wake-up deciding, I will be a good person … or not.

I have chosen that my word is my honor, I have chosen to raise my son to be a man of his word...

Where the combination of his qualities and actions distinguishes him as a man of honor, with exceptional character.

So I put this question to you... What is the legacy you will leave behind? Or is currency the only legacy we care about? Is the ink we use to sign a contract more valuable then the words we speak?

I want to live in a world where the labor of my tongue is of greater value than the signature scribbled by my hand....

They have no clue about parenthood..lol

MY TOP TEN  SIGNS SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE KIDS.

10) They get grossed out by the sight of vomit.

9) They look generally well-rested, use terms like "beauty sleep", and claim exhaustion after just one late night out.

8) They apply make up to get a smoky-eyed look, when you don’t even own make up anymore, and the dark rings are natural.

7) Their clothes look freshly laundered and there is no evidence of dried snot on their shoulders.

6) They have coffee tables that actually have things on them, that can break.

5) They think sleepwalking is a disorder not just the activity done to get from one place to another

4) They call you to make plans without a lead-time of at least two months.

3) They think you sit down together and have dinner, and not that dinner is a tag team event.

2) They equate having a baby with having a dog/cat. Then they put food in a bowl on the floor and leave their dog/cat to go out for the evening.

1) They think going out to dinner with a kid is an enjoyable/relaxing activity

if only for my vanity

When you become a mother your world changes...

Its as if you now see the leaves that were only green blobs before. This little person is your gift and your responsibility. The thing that you never knew you missed till you found it and now your world won't be the same without it. Wow! that is major! 

Your time is no longer selfishly divided into doing things for yourself at your leisure. Your world becomes about making his world perfect.

Then one day you catch yourself, in between being a wife, a mother and having some sort of career, and you wonder who have I become? Am I the person starring at this person in the mirror? Who is that and why does she look that way? Is that flabby/chubby/ungroomed person, me? Gross!!!

Somewhere between disbelieve bordering on a little bit of disgust, I started to think hate my body...

 But this was the same body, after all, that had not only carried a beautiful boy but also made it through labour, and natural birth.  It is a strong body. But it doesn't look like mine, any more. 

So I decided to take my body back, and be a little selfish... 

well if only for my vanity...